Yesterday I kinda had a mental break down, I was just really overwhelmed, and sick on top of that. But today was much much better. and things are really great with Zack, I can already tell this is going to work a lot better! 

I only have two more weeks of school and then its a summer with my friends, my man, and my family. Im so excited. I just want to graduate already so I can move on.

• you smile at me every time we make eye contact
• you tickle me and it actually makes me laugh
• when you start kissing/biting me in a kissing attack and I’m helplessly trying to shove you away but not really wanting you to stop
• when you pick me up like I weigh nothing
• you give me goosebumps with the slightest touch
• you’re not afraid of love
• we have the same values
• you know exactly how to make me smile no matter what mood Im in
• you notice when I’m not wearing my usual perfume
• we are comfortable enough to talk about our sexual life
• you are there for me every time I need you, and during the times I don’t
• we can talk about a future together
• you give me massages
• you’re proud to introduce me to your friends
• we both discovered a passion within us we never knew existed
• when you hug me, its with everything you have
• when I’m not with you, I can’t help but daydream about the next time I will be
• You understand me without words

To be continued… <3

Lately Ive been feeling like my relationship with Zack is loosing the spark in our verbal communication. Everything has been so sexual. Which isn’t bad but there has to be the right balance.. our conversations have been lacking and I need to be intellectually stimulated just as much as I do sexually. So I brought all this up to Zack and he agrees that we should try to change things up to see if that helps. Were going to try and text less… because right now were texting each other every minute of every day that were awake. and that’s unhealthy. Were going to try not texting and just calling for short conversations when we can. And for now Ive banned any sexual activity besides kissing until we can figure out the right balance. 

I hope this works because Im seriously crazy about him. He’s amazing. But anything can become boring when you don’t give yourself time to miss it.

I always go through one of these when I enter a new relationship. I start panicking that maybe this person isn’t the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. And therefor maybe I’m wasting my time. (yes I think this far ahead). Then I start missing being single, missing being able to think about whoever I want and not worrying about anyone else. I start to get panicky wondering what if I meet someone better later on and miss out on the opportunity. Then I start thinking about all the opposite views the person I’m in a relationship with and I have. And then I start to wonder if I’m doing the right or wrong thing. Then I contemplate becoming distant with them and letting it all go.

How fucked up is that?

I don’t know why I go through this mini attack every time but it happens each time without  fail. I’m sitting here thinking about all the differences Zack and I have… and the problem with our living situations… and us being at different points in our lives….

And then I tell myself to stop. Because this guy is probably the sweetest and most caring human being I have ever come to know. I couldn’t ask for a better relationship… so why am I second guessing it? It’s ridiculous. 

I need to keep pushing these bad thoughts out of my mind and just focus on what I have. 

There was that moment when.

Everything was under a soft glow

The sun through the window touched us from head to toe

Your body was entangled with mine

A soft touch sent goosebumps down my spine

A smile, a laugh, a deep look in the eye

A rhythm of harmony, of passion, a new natural high

There was that moment when.